SO I GET TO WORK THIS MORNING AND I AM GREETED WITH A PACKAGE FROM NONE OTHER THAN DEBORAH (SPELLING IS INTENTIONAL) J. HILL. IT WAS NOT TICKING (FROM WHAT I COULD HEAR) SO I DECIDED IT WAS SAFE TO OPEN. UPON OPENING IT, I WAS GREETED WITH THE GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN*....WALTER THE FARTING DOG (AS WELL AS WALTER HIMSELF IN THE FORM OF A STUFFED ANIMAL THAT FARTS WHEN SQUEEZED!). AFTER SHOWING OFF WALTER'S BOOK AND HIS ABILITY TO FART-PROPELL HIMSELF INTO FLIGHT (WELL WALTER TOOK CARE OF THE SOUND EFFECTS AND I HELPED LIFT HIM IN THE AIR), PARKER HERE AT THE OFFICE ASKED WHAT NAME WE HAD CHOSEN TO TEACH OUR CHILD WHEN HE OR SHE PASSES GAS, BECAUSE SOME PARENTS BELIEVE THAT SAYING HE OR SHE "FARTED" MIGHT NOT BE AS SOCIABLY ACCEPTABLE AS TERMS SUCH AS POOTERING AND ROOT-TOOT-TOOTING. I DON'T HONESTLY REMEMBER HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH MY MOM ABOUT THE NAMING OF FARTS, JUST THAT IF I DIDN'T STOP THEM WHEN THEY HAPPENED, I WOULD GET OLDER AND NOT BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEM (DAMN I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO HER!!!). SO I ASK YOU, THE READER....WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR FARTS?
*THOSE WHO KNOW ME CAN ATTEST THAT MY GREATEST LIST IS NOT BASED NUMERICALLY, SUCH AS GREATEST, THEN 2ND GREATEST, BUT RATHER ON WHAT IS NEWEST...ITS A PRODUCT OF ADD!!
A FEW WEEKS (COULD HAVE BEEN MONTHS) I (SAM) WAS HEADED INTO TALLAHASSEE AND WAS PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING. NOW I COULD EASILY TURN THIS INTO A RANT AND RAVE ABOUT HOW COPS SHOULD HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PULL ME OVER FOR GOING 7 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT AND WHAT NOT....BUT HOW COULD YOU BE MAD AT THE FLORIDA STATE PATROL WHEN THEY OFFER CLASSES LIKE THE ONE LISTED IN THE MAILER I RECIEVED (CLICK ABOVE PICTURE) A FEW DAYS LATER! OH YOU CRAZY STATE TROOPERS! SEE KIDS, BREAKING THE LAW CAN BE FUN!
